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By: Michael Tao
There has been a great influx of immigrants from Hong Kong and Asia recently. However due to the local recession, many husbands returned to Hong Kong to work and left their families behind.
This kind of separation has its practical reason seemingly, but as Christians, our only concern is what does God say about this? Does the Bible have an answer?
There are indeed examples in the Bible where men had to leave their wives behind for a period of time for the work of ministry, or for making a living. For example, when the twelve disciples were following Christ, due to hardship and unpredictability, they did not have their wives with them; when shepherds were looking for water and pastures for their sheep, they separated from their families, also soldiers had to go away to fight. In these situations, God permits men to separate from their wives for a good reason, however it is not what he commands.
Even when David fled from King Saul, and he left with his followers in a great hurry (1 Sam 21:1-6), these six hundred soldiers took their wives along. That is why, before giving out the shewbread as requested by David; priest Ahimelech asked David whether these young men had kept themselves from women (v4). According to the Mosaic law, shewbread was holy and only meant for the priests and temple workers. However, due to the urgent need of food, the priest made this the only requirement. David answered him that "women have been kept from us about these three days", and these women were the wives of David's soldiers. It is not so much that David was so tired and hungry that he had to break the law, but as a leader, David was to meet the needs of his people. Even in this urgent situation, wives did not separated from their husbands.
No place at all in the Bible teaches men or women to leave their spouses behind for a period of time without a good and strong rationale. Leaving wives behind even for immigration purposes is not right in the eyes of God. It is not whether or not your wife agrees with you, it is what the Words of God say that matter.
In the Bible there is only one place which talks about men can separate from their wives, and even so; it is only for a brief period of time e.g. overnight. In 1 Corinthians 7:5 says, "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be content for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency". Here Paul gives the ONLY condition that a couple is allowed by God to separate for a short time, so that this couple do not have to stay in one bed at night. It is for the purpose of fasting and earnest praying, due to a critical life situation; and their concentration should not be distracted by their sexual desire. Paul teaches that if a married man or woman is left alone, they are open to the temptation of Satan, because of their "incontinency", which means lack of self-control.
Temptations are always very appealing to the flesh, they are also inviting and convenient. Proverbs 7:9-23 tells how easy a young man was tempted through his lust, and by an unchaste woman. Due to lack of self-control, this young man was unable to stop himself from walking into this dark street corner where the house of this woman was. "So she caught him(v.13)", and the snow ball of sin started to roll. No one has so great a self-control that he will not sin, that is why we are told to avoid the temptation (Luke 22:40).
Temptation can also creep into a home from outside, particularly when we are alone and our mate is not there. When we drop our guard, when we think we can step out of the boundary of the Bible without being discovered, and when we are not content with the limited liberty that God gives; these are the times that temptation can creep in. In 2 Timothy 3:6 it says, "For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts". This is why broken marriages are common as a result of being "home alone".
You may trust your spouse a lot, and you may think he or she will never fail you , but what we should not trust is the sin nature within us. In 2 Samuel 11:8-11, when David called Uriah back from the battlefield and sent him home to rest, Uriah refused to go home because of his absolute loyalty. Did Uriah trust his wife Bathsheba? Certainly he did, but the fact was Bathsheba had conceived David's seed already.
Married men or women, when left alone, can do evil things because of lack of supervision. Genesis 38:12-30 records that after the death of Judah's wife, Judah saw a harlot by the roadside and he came in unto her, which resulted in an incest; because she was in fact, his daughter-in-law. Judah probably would not have done it if his wife was alive and around. We behave properly when people are watching us. Some of us may watch certain TV programs which we will not watch when our Christian friends are around. God knows we need this kind of supervision, in our marriage, to compensate our lack of self-control.
Jethro, the father-in-law of Moses, was so aware of the high risk of this kind of separation that he promptly brought his daughter back to her husband Moses. Jethro was a wise man, he also gave counsel to Moses to recruit able and godly men to judge the people(Exodus 18).
Ephesians 5:28 teaches that we are to love our wives as our bodies. We certainly should love them to the extent that we do not put them into any temptations. God ordained marriage in Genesis, he put husband and wife next to each other, and we should rejoice that we can be always next to our mate. We are also commanded to love our wives to the extent that we are willing to die for them (Ephesians 5:25), but how can we protect our wives when we are not living with them?
I certainly do not believe happy marriages depend on how much one breathes down the other's neck, but God wants man and wife stay together all the time. If it is God's will for us to move to a new country, he will provide food and shelter. If it is not God's will for us to move then we should follow his will and do whatever he pleases. God ordained marriages, he did not ordain career. God blesses each of his faithful servants in a unique way, whether you are in Hong Kong or out of Hong Kong. For those dear souls who are here and in this dilemma, I would encourage you to examine yourself to make sure you are in the will of God. God's blessing is a condition of our obedience.
