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By: Michael Tao
"And, ye father, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" - Ephesians 6:4.
This verse reveals the secret of successful child training. However, we have to see this instruction is directed to fathers. Thinking this should be a woman's job, many fathers leave child training to their wives, which is unbiblical. Man is the head of his family, and it is his responsibility to lead and train up his family, which includes his wife. He is to show them love, to the extent that they will trust him, willingly respect and follow him.(Ephesians 5:33). He should not provoke his family to anger, or he will lose them (Proverbs 11:19). In a Christian family, when the whole family is unhappy about their leader on biblical grounds, then this man needs to do some serious self-examination.
Here, The word "nurture" has the meaning of nourish, nurse, cultivate, promote and sustain the development, which also includes the physical health. However, the word "admonition" has the meaning of warning, restriction, reprimand, and strong disapproval.
So it is quite clear that there are two situations here. One is correctional, we use it only when our children make some major mistakes, and are reluctant to repent. The method of admonition can bring in good fruit if we use it properly, but it may not be a pleasant time for the child. This method is also occasional, no one should admonish their children in a no fault condition.
To admonish your children when they refuse to change for good is not child abuse, to chasten your children when there are signs of rebellion is not demeaning them. In Proverbs13:24, it says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes"; God clearly commands us to correct our children with our rods, God even tell us to do it "betimes" which means to seek early, earnestly, and diligently. God tells us not to find excuses, or by human reasoning; so that we do not have to carry out physical punishment. We should not be blind to our children's rebellion even when they are small. God chastened his children, the Israelites, and he also chastens us( Hebrews 12:5-12), because "...For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourageth every son whom he receiveth". Being chastened by God is a sign that we are the children of God, and we are dearly loved by him. Bastards will not be chastened by God (Hebrews 12:8).
The psychologists in this world teach that the physical punishment does not work. This is because when it is carried out wrongfully, particularly by the unsaved people - it will not work. The unsaved are in darkness, and do not have the wisdom to know what it is, what it is for, and neither do they know how, where, when, to do it, or who is going to do it. Nothing will be productive in the midst of all this confusion. Numerous scholars with man's titles, knowledge and assumptions, have written book upon book, and developed theories upon theories on child education. However I have the Counsellor on my side, He owns this universe, He wrote only one book - the Bible, and He never fails. This is the one that we should definitely follow.
At present, I would like to focus our discussion on the other methods of child training.
Rather than admonishing, the other method is more consistent, which is to lay the life foundation, and for the growth of a child in his spiritual, emotional and physical dimensions. Christ was growing into a young man "increased with wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man"(Luke 2:52), this should also be the direction of every child's growth.
The answer is by daily Bible devotions. Family Bible study is to teach the Bible to your family.
Luke 10:41 says "And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her."
What is this "good part"? Definitively not salvation, because Mary had already been saved. This "good part", as I understand, is the doctrine of Christ, and the doctrine of service to God. Here, we have a student, Mary, who has the strongest desire to learn, and a teacher who has the greatest knowledge to make a difference in His student's life. We need to pass on this "good part" to our children, when Christ called it "good", it is good indeed, it is godly, holy, and has eternal value.
We are not giving this good part to our children, because we become "Martha", and are "careful and troubled about many things". The word "careful," here means "preoccupied". We are so preoccupied by other things that we do not make teaching our children a priority. If salvation is the most important part that parents can introduce to their children, then a sound Bible teaching is next. It is necessary to prepare the best holy environment for children to grow up, so that they can be like Jesus - "increased with wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man".
Family Bible study focuses on this "good part", and lays the foundation of your children's Christian life. It is a time to open the communication, to instruct (Proverbs 4:20, 6:15), to forewarn (Proverbs 5:3, 6:26, 7:6), to encourage, and to comfort (Proverbs 3:11-12) . Family Bible study is very easy, enjoyable, and can be extremely fruitful.
By having family Bible study at home, we have time to cover all the important teachings systemically. The parents, father in particular, are to teach "whatsoever I have commanded you"(Matthew 28:20); which is the whole counsel of God, and not only our favorite topics.
- To understand how much your children know about the Bible, and have an idea of their salvation status.
- To know about their desires and decisions. Today, many parents desperately want to find out what their children want to be, and what is in their mind. Through family devotions, parents can learn about their children's ideas about life, planning of future etc. You can also modify and polish your children's plans by giving them advices. The best way to encourage your children to share their dreams with you, is for you to share yours with them.
- To know what is happening at school. The school belongs to the world. Schools, colleges, universities, are places that teach there is no God, and we are our own god. But if you lay the life foundations for your children properly, you have prepared them to fight this battle.
- Unless you know your Bible very well, otherwise teach on the portion that you have already studied in your daily devotion.
- During family devotions: read it; explain it, then teach the application of it; finally answer their questions during the sharing time. Make this old Book alive in this modern time, use examples to relate the Bible to their life at school, at church, and in the community.
- Go deep, use the Bible; stay away from the Bible story books. God's power is in his Word, not in the story books. By going deep, you are showing the way to discern, and the way to handle this most precious treasure. They may not totally understand you, but they will always able to catch on. At the same time, you are showing them respectful attitudes towards God's word, and they will follow.
It is vital to develop the skill to rightly divide the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15). If you can help your children become good thinkers, then they have a better chance to become good actors (those who act on their decisions). Show me a good actor, and I will show you a good thinker.
- Parents are often surprised by how much their children know about the Bible. Children understand more than you imagine; their hearts are tender, and they have an ultimate Teacher - the Holy Spirit, if they are saved. However it is still the responsibility of the father to nurture their children. During the devotion, encourage the children to ask questions, or you can ask questions to make sure they are taking in the "good parts".
- Finish with prayer. Pray and beg God for the obedience of your children to him, and honor to their parents. So your children know that they are responsible to the Father in Heaven and the father on the earth.
- Do not allow anything to interrupt the family devotions. Have a plan, do not let phone calls, or other unexpected events hinder the family devotions.
- Persevere. Family devotions are pleasant and rewarding, but the most difficult part, is to persevere.
Once started, I am sure you will enjoy the fun and appreciate the accomplishment through the family devotions.
