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Michael Tao
I would like to take this opportunity to discuss the issue of divorce and remarriage. This teaching is unfortunately so much ignored, that even a church member does not know about the stand his church is taking. In a Christian bookstore, there ae many books about family, parenting and marriage, yet almost nothing about divorce and remarriage. Many pastors choose to remain quiet when touching this sensitive issue.
There are several reasons for the avoidance. Some churches handle the situation with a very simply way, which is : divorcees should not be in the church. If churches refuse divorcees as members, then they indeed do not have to manage the problem. But is this biblical? Does the Great Commission exclude those who have broken marriages? The other reason is because of peer pressure. Churches take different stands in handling divorce and remarriage. It varies from total disapproval, to approval of divorce but not remarriage, or approval of both. No church wants to be seen as being too liberal, too legalistic, unspiritual or even too spiritual, so they remain quiet. This is fear of man. The last reason is the anxiety that once the pastor teaches the principles of divorce and remarriage, then it would encourage sin. This is most amazing. If the Bible allows (or disallows) remarriage, then we should teach it with great care, and with no regard for the consequence. We are instructed to be faithful unto death into our Saviour (Revelation 2:10), unto our service toward God, unto the teaching of salvation and of other doctrines. The Great Commission says,"...Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you...", it is all things in the Bible that we should teach.
I believe the divorce and remarriage are important issues in the Bible, and a growing situation in today's church, whether we like it or not. There are Christians suffering because they do not know the biblical way to look at, and particularly look back at a broken relationship; nor do they know whether God will allow them to start another marital relationship.
Genesis 2:18 says, "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him", Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother,and shall cleave unto his wife,and they shall be one flesh". Although God ordained marriage, you might be surprised to find out that marriage itself, according to Paul, is a permission and not a commandment (1 Corinthians 7:6, 25-28). It could be "better" and "happier" (1 Corinthians 7:38, 40) to remain single to serve God, however God permits marriage. So one does not have to marry, yet once he or she gets married, the obligations of a husband or a wife are to be fulfilled (Malachi 2:15).
God does not command divorce, he permits it.
- Serious family disharmony: "Wherefore she said unto Abraham, cast out this bond woman and her son...And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Israel shall thy seed be called. And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed (Genesis 21:10,12,13)".
Abraham took Hagar, an Egyptian handmaid, as his second wife because of lack of faith. He doubted that God would bless him with a son as he promised, because they had been waiting for too long, and Sarah was getting old. Hagar gave birth to Ishmael. After Sarah gave birth to Isaac, there was a great disharmony between Sarah and Hagar. However, God patched up this mess by telling him to listen to Sarah's request and put away Hagar. God does not command, or encourage divorce, he permits it to happen, and he has a reason for doing it.
- Uncleanness: "when a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes; because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house (Deuteronomy 24:1)".
A man can divorce his wife because of "uncleanness" in her. The Hebrew word which is translated as "uncleanness" used 54 times in the Old Testament, and is translated as "uncleanness" or "unclean" each once, as "shame" once.. The rest of them are translated as "nakedness". By studying the different entries of it, "nakedness" is not a sin, but "uncovering the nakedness" of someone who is not your spouse, is a sin. I do not think this wife had committed any sin, otherwise she would have faced punishment, or the death penalty, or the "bitter water" test in Numbers 5. However she might have some strange or improper behavior. God allowed her husband to put her away, very much for the same reason that Abraham put away Hagar : for the sake of peace. It is also to protect these ladies from physical and emotional abuses.
- Mixed marriage: "Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my Lord... (Ezra 10:3)".
Mixed marriage with heathens would turn the heart of the Israelites away from God, would contaminate the blood of God's people, and make the coming of Messiah impossible.
- God himself divorced his wife who committed adultery : "And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her sister Judah feared not, but went and played harlot also" (Jeremiah 3:8).
Although symbolic, God claimed that he had divorced Israel, the south nation, because of her adultery.
- Spouses' mistreating: "And if he have betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters. If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money" (Exodus 21:9-11).
Husbands are to fulfil the material and sexual needs of their wives, otherwise it can be a reasonable ground for divorce according to the law.
- Crimes that are worth of death penalty.
People who committed murdering (Exodus 21:14), slavery (Exodus 21:16), beastiality (Exodus 22:19), blasphemy the name of God (Leviticus 24:16), incest (Leviticus 20:11), homosexuality (Leviticus 18), fornication ((Deuteronomy 22:22-24), idolatry (Leviticus 20:2), cursing parents (Exodus 21:17), witchcraft (Leviticus 20:27), rapery (Deuteronomy 22:25) were to be put to death. Being widows, their spouses can remarry. However we do not have the death penalty today, it would still offer some weighty argument towards remarriage.
Not all these situations have to end up in divorce. Always look for the chance of reconciliation. However, it is to put a wife's life, health and mental conditions at high risk, to insist that she has to live with an unrepentant man who has a history of murdering, sex perversions, or witchcraft practice. I believe it is the time to apply 1 Corinthians 7:11, which we shall discuss later.
- Fornication: "...whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, caused her to commit adultery... (Matthew 5:32)".
God commands oneness between the couple. Fornication breaks such oneness, besides it may spread venereal diseases.
- The unbelieving is unwilling to dwell with the believing spouse: "But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace... (1 Corinthians 7:15).
To begin with, a Christian should not date, or marry an unbeliever. However, the above situation probably occurs when one side of the marriage has become a Christian, and his or her spouse refuses to live with this new convert. God relieves this person from the bondage of marriage. Even so, I believe 1 Corinthians 7:11 should be followed.
- Marriages not joined by God: "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder (Matthew 19:6)."
When twain become one flesh, man should not separate by their own will. But God did not put ALL marriages together, there are obviously marriages that are not in the Lord. To marry to murder, to marry to force the spouse into crime or sin, to marry to deceive or by deceiving, to marry to abuse her, these marriages may not be joined by God.
"Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband; and let not the husband put away his wife" - 1 Corinthians 7:10b,11.
The main emphasis is, husband and wife should stay together forever. Even in some devastating situation, the wife leaves home, she should not look for another new marriage. She should look for the opportunity of reconciliation. This is a biblical perspective, and probably best understood by Christians.
However, I would like to look into the situation a little bit more. If it is the wife's immaturity or sin, then she certainly should repent and return home. But if it is her husband's sin, for example, fornication, that she departs from him; then HOW LONG should she "remain unmarried"? And what if her husband later divorces her? Can she remarry?
This verse is not to teach celibacy after divorce. The Greek word "depart" is used 13 times in the New Testament, which means "separate", "divide", "put asunder", and has never been translated as "divorce" or "put away" in the Authorized Version. Also it does not necessarily imply a "forever" time frame. So this woman, though is SEPARATED, yet not DIVORCED from her husband, should seek reconciliation.
Also, the Greek word "remain", does not have a time frame of "forever". Nor does the tense of it imply a "forever" time frame. Using this verse to argue that this woman should remain single for the rest of her life, will leave a lot of loopholes. I believe this departed woman should not hastily remarry, because this makes any reconciliation impossible. However, when her marriage unfortunately changes from separation into divorce, then she is free to remarry.
From this verse, derives the teaching that God only acknowledges first marriages, and a divorcee should go back to the first spouse after becoming a Christian. I found this kind of teaching odd and unbiblical. Paul taught "Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife... (1 Corinthians 7:27,28)", he did not ask the new converts to return to their first spouses.
- after the death of spouse: "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39)". It is amazing to see that there is no similar teaching in the Old Testament, yet people were doing it, and God did not punish them. It seems to me that God assumed people would remarry when they lost their spouse to death, out of common sense or necessity.
- after being deserted: "And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife (Deuteronomy 24:2)". It is very clear that this deserted woman can be another man's wife, according to the Mosaic law.
- after being deserted due to religious reasons: "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him...But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace (1 Corinthians 7:13,15)".
When this brother or sister in Christ is not under bondage to the ex-spouse, certainly he or she is at liberty to enter into another bondage of marriage.
Christians with good intention, argue this bondage is not of marriage, but of leading the spouse to the Lord. So according to their interpretation, God does not mean that this couple should divorce, God just exempts the responsibility of leading the unbelieving spouse to the Lord. First of all, I want to show you that marriage is a bondage. The Greek word of "bondage" means "to make a servant of". In God's eternal planning of marriage, this only man with this only woman unites together, they become a servant of each other, and until death shall they depart. God also commands the husband to die for his wife in time of need (Ephesians 5:25), he is also the image of Christ to his wife. God ordained marriage by his own very word. Our wife is a wife of covenant, and God hates putting away (Malachi 2:14,16). This is the strongest union between two human beings, and is a blessed and divine bondage. Also by studying v.15, where we can see it is for the sake of PEACE that God allows them to break this bondage. The Greek word of "peace" means harmony, and concord. The unbelieving rejects his or her spouse, is not because the latter keeps telling the gospel, otherwise it would be easy. It is because the unbelieving party totally disagree with spouse's changes, and the new life orientation. It is the very CHRIST that is rejected. By permitting to divorce, God removes the unbelieving husband's authority, so that the wife can serve God. With the same token, God removes husband's responsibility of leading his wife, because it is obvious that she rejects his leadership.
- after being deserted due to spouse's fornication: "That whosoever put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery... (Matthew 5:32 )". This verse gives room for a person to divorce his or her spouse who is in fornication.
- "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband (1 Corinthians 7:2).
The most effective way to avoid fornication is to marry. If the deserted are not allowed to remarry, then they shall be put into great trial - by God himself.
- "I say therefore to the unmarried and the widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn (1 Corinthians 7:9)".
Let us qualify these people. Regarding an unmarried woman, she can only be in one of three conditions: virgin, widow, or divorced. Here Paul told the widows and the unmarried to get married. With a simple subtraction, we can see this "unmarried" category contains only virgins and the divorced, because Paul had mentioned the widows separately. However, in the same chapter v25 Paul says, "Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord...". So the virgins should also be removed from the category of "the unmarried", because Paul
had no revelation about them. What is left behind in this category of "unmarried"? The answer is : the divorced. Many women were put away by their husbands at Corinth at that time, a city full of all kinds of sins. They were the victims of their broken marriages. For these and the widows, "it is better to marry than to burn".
The word "unmarried" and "virgins" used here, can mean both male and female, however this does not affect our discussion.
- "Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned... (1 Corinthians 7:27, 28)".
Paul instructed here that it was not a sin for those "loosed from a wife" to remarry. According to Strong Concordance, the word "loosed" (#3080) here means deliverance, ransoming, setting free, release etc. Certainly one can loose from his wife by her death, but it is inconceivable that so many wives died simultaneously in Corinth. In fact, these women were the deserted, and now their ex-husbands became Christians. Paul said it is not a sin for these new converts to remarry, whether to their former wives or not, Paul did not say. Paul did not condone sin, but circumstance may arise to make reconciliation impossible.
- "For thou hast five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband; is that saidst thou truly (John 4:18)".
Christ acknowledged the many remarriages of this Samaritan woman, by calling her ex-spouses "husbands". If God disapproves remarriage, he probably would not address them in such a manner. Christ said the last one "is not thy husband", so Christ had a standard, sharing the same bed, does not qualify to be a marriage in God's eyes. On the other hand, it is unlikely that these five men all died. It is obvious that she had some divorces, her assertive personality could be one of the contributing factors.
- "forbidding to marry... (1 Timothy 4:3)".
Paul condemned this sin. Would Paul himself forbid to marry?
- "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)".
Husband and wife each play their important role in child rearing. I believe even as a result of divorce, it is not God's plan to have one parent, most of the time - mother; to bring up the children in the nurture and admonition of the God. It is because these duties are assigned to "ye fathers". The single mother has to do the duties of a father, which she is not gifted to accomplish; then her own duties as a mother and a housekeeper. She also has to strive to make a living , and not every country has a social welfare system. Being a single parent, she will face the social stigma, the prejudice, and many unfair treatments. It is not easy for an average person to imagine these day-to-day struggles, yet it is not she that sinned. It was not uncommon for the Jewish deserted women to prostitute to survive their family, therefore her husband caused her to commit adultery. Some may like to argue that God would take care of them. Certainly, God takes care of them by allowing them to remarry!
Matthew 5:32 says, "That whosoever put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery".
A woman put away by her husband, would never automatically become an adulteress. She must have done something which was not mentioned here. What has she done? There are several possibilities: she has remarried, she has prostituted to survive, or she has chosen to live an immoral life. Most people think that she has remarried. Does it equalize remarriage with adultery ?
I would like to examine Matthew 5:32 in two steps.
The first step is for the verse "and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery". Now let us look at other related parts in the Synoptics.
Matthew 19:9 which says, "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery",
Mark 10:11-12, "...Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her, And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery",
Luke 16:18,"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery",
If one put away one's spouse not because of spouse's fornication, they themselves commit the sin of fornication. This is very clear. Also when we read these verses carefully, we would discover that there are actually TWO women here, one is put away due to HER fornication, one is put away due to HER HUSBAND's fornication. Any man who marries the first woman will commit adultery with her. This is also what "... whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery" in Matthew 5:32 means. What about the other woman who is innocent? There is no condemnation for her, nor is there any forbidding to remarry, according to these verses.
The second step is to examine the "causeth her to commit adultery" part in Matthew 5:32, which gives the impression that all women who remarry will commit fornication.
If this is the conclusion that we like to draw, then I am afraid we may have to pluck out our eyes, and cut off our hands as these are also the literal meaning in same chapter vv. 29,30. We will also be in hell, regardless of our salvation status, when we cursed others by saying "Thou fool" (same chapter v.22). And we will never win a battle because "whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment". And we have also to seek peace at all cost, no matter how unreasonable the requests from our adversaries are (same chapter vv.25,26). I do not see that King David gave away his kingdom when he was in trouble with his enemies. Nor do I see that Paul turned his left cheeks when he was smitten on the mouth (same chapter v.39, Acts 23:2). Paul also claimed his Roman citizenship and refused to settle until there were apologies from the magistrates (Acts 16:36-40).
Matthew 5:32 is telling the truth of God in the "hyperbole" manner, and is not the only place uses this method of teaching in the Bible. The truth is : in God's eyes, marriage is one SAME woman for the very SAME man. The same true as in God's eyes, there should not be killing, hatred, cursing and lying. Matthew chapter five serves as a warning towards sinners, yet not without caring for the victims.
With every teaching in the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, there is always a spiritual implication, and a practical application. I may be able to see the spiritual side of forbidding to remarry, but I am at a total loss with the practical side. To punish the innocent, does not make much biblical sense.
It is particularly unthinkable that God allowed the deserted in Israelite to remarry (Deuteronomy 24:1,2), and we are now in the period of Grace, yet God would forbid the deserted to do the same thing. Certainly there was hardness of hearts, but are the hearts of modern men, even of believers, any softer than before? God allowed Abraham to divorce, it was even in the pre-law period (some Christians point out one of the reasons the tithe is still effective, is because it was established pre-law; my question is - what about divorce?).
To teach that God unconditionally forbids remarriage, has taken a small part of the Bible out of proportion. When facing these seemingly contradicting parts of the Bible, the rule of thumb is to lean our judgment towards the direction where there is more supports or evidences. We should let the Bible speak for itself, and not let our good intentions interfere.
I hope this study can knock on the doors of many Christians with the "forbidding to remarry" attitude.
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If you are in disagreement with this article of "Divorce and Remarriage," and you would like to discuss with someone, then you should go to your pastor. I speak the truth in sincerity, but it is not my intention to cause dissension in your church. I do not suggest you to discuss this article with your unsaved friends. They do not need to know about this, they need the message of salvation, and from you.
- Michael Tao
