|
|
By: Michael Tao
Many people think that marriages in the bible time were arranged by one's parents, which are old fashion and not recommendable. However, arranged marriages were not blind marriages. Blind marriages are marriages rigidly determined, or manipulated by an authority, usually parents, so one is forced into a marital relationship without any say at all.
The deep gulf between male and female in some of today's mid-east nations is not a biblical pattern. During the bible times, Hebrew men had opportunities to meet women, one of the reasons was Hebrew women very often worked outside their houses. When a male stranger came close to a woman, she would cover her face with a veil. Mosaic law does not rigidly prohibit men and women to speak to each other.
In the Bible, many times a male stranger spoke to a female in public, when there was no other man around to help. Abraham's servant spoke to Rebekah by the well, Boaz spoke to Ruth, Jacob spoke to Rachel, Jesus asked for water from the Samaritan woman, many helpers of Jesus and Paul were women. Although limited, the socialization between male and female are not completely forbidden. With this understanding, it is a reasonable assumption that young men and women would at least meet each other, before a decision of marriage was made. If a male adored certain woman and considered marrying her, he would come to his parents first. It took the approval from the father for his children's marriages. If a father loves his children, he certainly would not force them into a marital relationship. The marriages in the bible time could be arranged marriages, but not blind marriages.
All the marriages last, as long as both husband and wife obey God's commandments. God ordained marriage because "it is not good that the man should be alone"(Genesis 2:18), he wants husband and wife to serve him in unity. Today people challenge the effectiveness of these old fashioned marriages, because there could not be love before marriage. However with arranged marriages, love starts after marriage; Genesis 24:67 says, "And Isaac ...took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her", which probably works just as good, if not better. Nowadays, much emphasis is placed on love before marriage, obviously this is not an issue in God's mind, or he would have commanded it.
I am not arguing that we need to follow every Jewish custom, yet I do not see anything wrong if the marriages are planned by the parents - even in this modern time. These parents have to be Christians, fearing God. They know what godly characters are, and look for such a person to be the spouse of their child. The parents of a young lady, would look for a man who is able to provide material needs for the family, which include food, clothing and shelter. This candidate has to be spiritually mature enough to lead his family, has a good testimony in a Bible-believing church, and a good reputation at work and among his friends. He cannot have any addictions. It would be good if he is in good health condition, however it is not a commandment from the Bible. The parents of a young man, would look for a lady who has a submissive and quiet temperament, good housekeeping skills; and certainly good Christian conduct. Then meeting can be arranged by the parents and the dating needs to be supervised.
I am sure if the parents will exercise their wisdom to assist their children in selecting their mates, and the children are willing to listen, there will be a lot more happy marriages among Christians.
